Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
