I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
