Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
