well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
