here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just found puke in my bra..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
