Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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