i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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