I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
