About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
