Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize