So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
