i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
