dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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