I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
