DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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