he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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