They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
