He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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