I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
