Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
