Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize