I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
