I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
