Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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