I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
