I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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