I just saw a hot homeless man
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
