I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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