Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
