I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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