If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
