Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
