So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
