So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize