i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
