The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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