Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My cat gives me a boner
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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