i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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