I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
