I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize