Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
