i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
