I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
