You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
