did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
