RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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