FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
