I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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