your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize