It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
