I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
