Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
