You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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