Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
