I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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