yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
