So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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