Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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