He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
