Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dick has a subreddit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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