I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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