i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
