I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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