If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize