please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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