Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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