It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
