I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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