Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
