It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
