I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
