You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
