Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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