Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
