My room smells like vodka and shame
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
