Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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