My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
