Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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