Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
