I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
where are my eyebrows?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
