It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
