Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
