I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
